Andrew’s Alternate Theory of the Origin of the Universe

Well, I started a pretty good post at lunchtime and emailed it home, but the Comcast email is acting strange, so my thoughts on the Debt Ceiling Deal will have to wait until tomorrow.

Instead, I thought I’d give you something completely random and irreverant:


An Alternate Theory on the Origin of the Universe

There are certain things that are axiomatic truths, transcending religion, politics and experience.  For instance, a cat will always land on its feet.  Likewise a piece of buttered toast will always land butter side down when dropped.  The marriage of these two truths leads me to my theory.

In the beginning, God created a cat.  Then He created a floor.  Then He made toast and applied some heavenly butter.  Being a random and mischievous guy (Seriously, have you seen a platypus?), God decided to have a little fun and used some heavenly tape to stick the toast, butter side up, to the back of the cat. 

God then dropped the cat.  As the cat fell, the two axiomatic truths came into conflict.  The toast tried to aim at the ground, but it was prevented from doing so by the cat trying to land on its feet.  Eventually, the cat came to a hover not far from the ground and started spinning at such a high rate that the friction between its fur and the heavenly air caused the build up of a static charge so rapidly that its discharge ripped a hole in the fabric of heavenly reality.  When all was said and done, there was no sign of either the cat or the toast, but in its place was our universe.

And God proclaimed it good.


But…the cat did end up coming back, the very next day.



About Andrew

I'm a Christian, American, liberal, geeky, thoughtful, Northwest-transplanted Angeleno husband, father, and pundit who writes about anything he can think of.
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4 Responses to Andrew’s Alternate Theory of the Origin of the Universe

  1. Lance Ponder says:

    And it was called Ceiling Cat. LOL.

  2. haha! that is so intelligently written! enjoyed reading it!

  3. Pingback: What If One of Us Was God? « "Great" Thoughts

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